Butterfly Maiden

Every time you judge yourself, you break your own heart ~ Swami Kripalvanada

Toady a friend of mine rang to ask me to go cycling with her, we had previously chatted about getting fit. I agreed but as the day progressed i found myself consumed with negative thoughts. The first being what is suitable attire for cycling? The sun was shining and shorts seemed a good plan, not with those pastie legs screamed my inner critic.  Ok, so shorts were out, leggings,again same response, tracksuit bottoms the only option left. Now the torso; after several attempts, found one. Next dilemma i faced was what if someone i know sees me and laughs at the sight of my beetroot coloured face brought on by the exertion of pedalling! At this stage i told myself it was time to get a grip, who bloody cares whether i go cycling or not? Haven't people real problems and enough to do just keeping their own lives going?Something in me was just evoked by this negativity, a familiar feeling of inadequacy was awakened! And i realised that i am my own worst critic, i have this tendency to instantly judge myself on how i think others perceive me. Even if that sometimes means i loose out on doing something i want to or would enjoy doing, crazy!!!  Every time i allow that to happen, a piece of me dies, i deny myself the freedom to be myself . Also it totally blocks the energy which flows through us all. Now to ditch this habit is easier said than done, but this mama ain't loosing out on any more fun, life is too damn short. The cycle was bloody amazing, i feel great after it, and  yea met loads of people i know, we saluted and exchanged banter!! It was a good evening

Feeling the fear but doing it anyway!!

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure ~ Marianne williamson

I love this quote, Nelson Mandela used it in one of his speeches. I only recently realised the true meaning of it. Lately i have being trying to discover what i really want to do now that i have grown up, some may dispute that fact, however i feel i've turned some kind of corner. Like i've just woken up and arrived at this moment! Anyway, with all the soul searching, and there has been quiet a bit, i realised that i would love to begin to write. Now, the notion has always been there but like the volcano in Iceland it lay dormant for many years of carefree adolescence and mental twenties, hit 30 and similar to said volcano, eruption begun again recently. To ease the brain i decided to give the notion a go.
Initially i began by daydreaming, telling myself that i'll probably be crap anyway then i started wondering what it would be like if i was really successful. What would my acceptance speech for the man booker prize sound like, would i be able to get a babysitter for all the book signings? And how would my interview with Ryan Tubridy go? Will need to do some serious shopping for these events!! I actually became more afraid of succeeding than if nobody was interested in my writing at all!!

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More than half of 12 year olds have cell phones. What's the right age for a child to have a cell phone? How do you know when it's time?

Today is the first day of blogging for me, i feel the fear but am gonna do it anyway. Lately i seemed to have reached a crossroads where at 32 i need to find a different direction. And i must push myself out of the comfort zone i was inhabiting as it is no longer so. I read in some blog that blogging is a road of self discovery so i've decided to buy a ticket and go along for the ride.... now must make dinner for my darling children and dash off to work

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Michelle Fitzgerald

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